Trout Fisting In America #40 – Chaos

Everything is chaos & flux as I write this—even me, the writer. This world is senseless and the stories we tell ourselves, the stories we pay money to watch and/or read, are little more than defense mechanisms, an attempt to steel ourselves against the void.

Even when we try to destroy a story, all we end up doing is creating a different story.

Everything around us is strange, and it’s only because the strangeness sometimes repeats itself that we’re able to find patterns in the meaninglessness, to trick ourselves that there’s some kind of overarching logic at work. Even when we invented God, an omnipotent/omniscient creator who rules over our universe, it still didn’t make the chaos go away. If anything,the existence of god only made things more unfathomable. We dsay god works in mysterious ways because even our benevolent god, in the end, turned out to be an agent of destructive chaos, sowing cancer & genocide & famine & loss.

We desperately try to create meaning, to create narratives. One questions haunts the human species: What does it all mean? A terrible question to ask because it’s a terrible question to answer. The only honest answer is: nothing. It all means nothing.

Time is a human construct. Language is a human construct. Borders & clocks & monogamy & traffic lights & laws & mathematics, all of it a human construct, constructed to keep us from going insane.

If we understood the true logic behind everything—that is to say the absence of any logic whatsoever—we would lose our minds. The terror would overwhelm us. There’s a reason small children are afraid of the dark. Darkness surrounds us. It is something that, despite our invention of artificial light, we are ultimately unable to control. Some nights darkness threatens to drown us in our sleep as we return again and again to the depths of our consciousness and upon waking the first thing we do is either push it back down into the depths of our consciousness or play it over and over again in a desperate attempt to find meaning, to turn the chaos into a story. Because that’s what we do when confronted by chaos: we turn it into a story.

Because even a story that terrifies us is preferable to the vague terror of simple existence.

Trout Fisting In America appears here every Tuesday (sometimes even more often!). We’re going to keep going until we reach #50, or until the Trout begs for mercy. You can check out previous installments HERE.

About ScottCreney

Scott Creney lives in Athens, Georgia. He is the author of "Dear Al-Qaeda: Letters to the World’s Most Notorious Terror Organiztion".
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